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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. Issue 31,401 8th June 2007.


Limpet Scientists Remains Skeptical about life 'On Other Rocks'

'The possibility of life on other rocks remains, at present, unproven'. That was the much-awaited result of a lengthy scientific experiment conducted by limpet scientists on behalf of the 16-strong limpet colony residing on rock GH345-JK-789544-TQ/9 located on the foreshore of the Isle of Skye, Scotland.

The disappointingly inconclusive report was conducted after a seventeen year search for 'extra-rock' life and involved a meticulous search of home rock at high tide and the interviewing of all the other limpets. Despite tantilising chemical tastes in the water and compelling anecdotal evidence, the limpet theorists were unable to state categorically whether there might be one or two limpets out there 'unknown to gastropod science', but on a more upbeat note, they did concede a strong theoretical possibility of 'other rocks'.

After announcing the findings, the Limpet colony elders earmarked funds for further research which will involve building a 'reflecting chemical telescope' that will enable them to view these 'other rocks', some of which might be as far away as a foot.

Wendell Hatchett, reporting for The Toad, on beach.
Limpets

Limpet L-15 (second on left) gives his findings to the Limpet colony


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