Today's Toad                   Toad Archive                  Fforde Website

Toad News Banner
Next Article                   Previous Article

The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 24th March 2009.

Amateur photographers 'more boring' since the advent of digital photography


The D700 - better than the crock of shit Canon drag out. Discuss


Miles ahead of the Nikon Trash. True or False?


Aaaah. They don't make them like they used to. Or do they?

The digital photography revolution has been celebrated across the known universe as the most significant development since the advent of 35mm film. But is it all good news? A recent survey has shown that Photographers have become much more boring since the introduction of Digital, and are in risk of alienating their friends, family and partners. And even, in some cases, may hasten their own death due to the homicidal action of a partner for whom 'enough is enough'.

The survey, compiled by the Leading Photography Magazine Shutterbore, gave a random set of Amateur Photographers certain questions, such as: 'Is your Camera the best one there is?' or 'Nikon Vs Canon?' and even: "does the brand of Compactflash card actually matter?' and then timed the barrage of weakly argued facts and semi-truths until the photographer ran out of steam or fainted. These results were then compared to a similar study carried out in 1983, and the differences analysed.

"We were astonished at the results," explained Mr Kogaku, "not only by the range of technical subjects in which Amateur Photographers felt able to commit an opinion, but the length at which they could do so, and the breezy self assurance that the subject was too technical for anyone to challenge. In most cases it was total bullshit, and on several occasions, the researchers had to be restrained from physically attacking the subjects with strangled cries of: 'no more, I can't stand listening to gamma curve analysis any longer - my ears are bleeding, help, help'."

But do the photographers themselves realise they are becoming more boring, or even care?

"I've certainly become much more boring," admitted an amateur photographer who we questioned yesterday, "in the old days of film there was only a finite amount of variables that we could discuss: films, lenses, reciprocity law failure, and so forth. But given the complexity of a modern camera, we can spout off about all manner of things that traditionally belonged in the realm of tedious Hi-Fi enthusiasts - such as 'noise', 'artifacts' and compression algorithms. It's wonderful. I could talk all day. And I do."

A long suffering partner of a noted Amateur Photographer agreed wholeheartedly with the findings of the survey, and just recently was compelled to beat her boring husband to death with one of his own nano-crystal coated lenses. "It was appalling," she said, "even as I was beating him about the head, he still found time to explain that the nano-coating was to deal with the increased back-scatter of light reflecting off the chip, which as everyone knows, has a greater reflective quality than film and can lower contrast. At my trial I pleaded that it wasn't murder but a 'service to mankind' and the judge agreed."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

Also in your Toad:

1/125th second voted 'Best Shutter Speed Ever'. 1/30th trails in second place, pipped to post over handholdability issues.

Cartier-Bresson: How much better would he have been if digital? Our panel of uninformed twits give their opinion.

Photographic heretic burnt at stake for daring to suggest 'means of capture' irrelevant.

Canon V. Nikon argument flares into violence at NEC; seventeen dead.

Sandisk unveils thousand terrabyte SSD card. Can hold a day's amateur photography or half the internet.

Today's Toad                   Toad Archive                  Fforde Website

the toad
More Toad