The Toad - All the c**p that's unfit to print

A family in Wales were last night counting the cost of using the creche during their day visit to the International Astronomical Union in Paris yesterday.

"We only left her there for an hour," said a tearful Mrs Fforde yesterday, "when we left she was called Stella, but when we returned she had been renamed planetoid HR-496 by passing officials."

As the astronomy fraternity attempted to put the pieces together to understand how a six-month-old infant who dribbles a lot could be designated as a celestial body, it emerged that 'drive-by designations' undertaken by delinquent astronomers were becoming more commonplace, and that the community were 'working on the problem'.

"We finally got an explanation in the form of an unreadable 400 page report," said HR-496's father yesterday to a packed news conference, "it seems that the planetoid previously known as Stella met three important distinctions. Firstly, that she orbits the sun. Second, that her exterior topography has become smooth and spherical either by gravity or (as in HR-496's case) by ongoing action from within - mainly, a healthy appetite for rusks and milk. And pasta. And mashed vegetables. Well, everything actually. Thirdly, that she has 'cleared the neighbourhood' around her of other, smaller bodies such as biscuit crumbs, food and anything within the designated HR-496 'Orbital Grabzone'."

"Naturally we'll miss Stella," said the family in a statement yesterday, "but little HR-496 is already a part of the family. She is settling in well, has attracted two of her own moons, and Halliburton are interested in the offworld drilling rights."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

Today's Toad Toad Archive Fforde Website

Next Article Previous Article The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 6th Mar 2011.
Infant renamed HR-496 after being mistaken for planet Planetoid HR-496, Formerly Stella Fforde
A family in Wales were last night counting the cost of using the creche during their day visit to the International Astronomical Union in Paris yesterday. "We only left her there for an hour," said a tearful Mrs Fforde yesterday, "when we left she was called Stella, but when we returned she had been renamed planetoid HR-496 by passing officials." As the astronomy fraternity attempted to put the pieces together to understand how a six-month-old infant who dribbles a lot could be designated as a celestial body, it emerged that 'drive-by designations' undertaken by delinquent astronomers were becoming more commonplace, and that the community were 'working on the problem'. "We finally got an explanation in the form of an unreadable 400 page report," said HR-496's father yesterday to a packed news conference, "it seems that the planetoid previously known as Stella met three important distinctions. Firstly, that she orbits the sun. Second, that her exterior topography has become smooth and spherical either by gravity or (as in HR-496's case) by ongoing action from within - mainly, a healthy appetite for rusks and milk. And pasta. And mashed vegetables. Well, everything actually. Thirdly, that she has 'cleared the neighbourhood' around her of other, smaller bodies such as biscuit crumbs, food and anything within the designated HR-496 'Orbital Grabzone'." "Naturally we'll miss Stella," said the family in a statement yesterday, "but little HR-496 is already a part of the family. She is settling in well, has attracted two of her own moons, and Halliburton are interested in the offworld drilling rights." Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.
Also inside your Toad: Comets angered by 'Dirty Snowball' slur Dirty Snowballs delighted by 'Comet' accolade Moon remains tight-lipped over 'green cheese' accusation Neil Armstrong claims moon landing hoax 'never happened'

Today's Toad Toad Archive Fforde Website
More Toad