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Next Article                   Previous Article The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 18th March 2008.
Coach, abandoned from sixties, found teetering on cliff
Found untouched after almost 40 years Coach related to the unsolved Turin bullion theft? How the thieves may have met their end	Italian police were last night baffled by the discovery of an English-registered coach that had somehow remained in a precariously balanced position on a road in the Italian Alps for over four decades. "The discovery was reported to us last week by walkers who had stumbled across an old road blocked by a rock-fall sometime in the late sixties," explained a spokesperson, "It seems incredible that the coach has not only remained undiscovered in all this time, but was still balancing half on and half off the road when found." The Harrington Legionnaire coach, easily recognised by its unique twin front axle steering system, was reportedly in excellent condition, with only a badly faded paint work and a thin layer of rust to show for the forty or so winters it has endured. More remarkable still was the discovery inside of the skeletal remains of at least seven people, and a quantity of gold. "We are keeping an open mind," explained Commissioner Cavacuiti at a packed news conference in Turin yesterday, "but the discovery of this coach may shed some light on an unsolved theft in 1968, when a quantity of gold was stolen from a security van in the centre of Turin, loaded into three Mini-Coopers and then spirited from the city during a traffic jam." The crime was thoroughly investigated at the time by Italian and British police, but very little evidence was unearthed and it was thought the gang had simply 'gone to ground'. The three minis were eventually recovered from where they had been pushed down a mountainside, but despite a two year search for the missing gold, nothing turned up - until now. "At first glance it looks as though the gold is untouched," explained the Commissioner, "but we are having some difficulties retrieving the bullion, as every time we try to reach it, the coach rocks downwards and the gold slides out of our reach, thus making the recovery operation extremely hazardous." As soon as heavy lifting gear can be brought in to counterbalance the weight of the gold, investigation of the human remains can be subjected to DNA testing to see if they can be identified. It is generally believed the remains might be that of the original thieves, who found themselves trapped in a deadly game of see-saw that saw them slowly starve to death. Underworld anecdotal evidence has always suggested that ace robber and lady's man Charles Croker may have been involved in the theft, and his disappearance soon after the heist tended to lend support to this supposition. More outlandish theories that the whole thing could have been dreamt up by underworld boss Mr Bridger have recently been shown to be false, as he was in prison at the time. Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.
Also inside your Toad: Software Glitch dooms Jupiter Mission The computer on board Discovery One was reported to have suffered a software glitch that resulted in the death of one or more of the crew. Although reports are at present sketchy, NASA has confirmed that the HAL 9000 computer was disconnected and the mission continued on earth-based control. The agency are remaining tight-lipped over the incident, and reports that Astronaut Bowman is 'missing' have yet to be confirmed. Sanatorium closes after infestation of large rabbit Chumley's Rest, a Sanatorium in an unnamed Mid-western town in the United States was said to be closed due to an influx of large rabbits. Although no rabbits could be found, patients are sure they saw a rabbit 'well over six foot tall' walking around with Mr Dowd, a recent patient. Dr Chumley, the sanatorium's owner, was apparently in Akron, and was unavailable for comment. Buzz Lightyear faces charges of 'conduct unbecoming' Captain Buzz Lightyear's service with the Intergalactic Alliance was yesterday looking increasingly untenable as inconsistencies emerged following his recent excursion to Andy's bedroom. The charges relate to the fact that although he professed to not knowing he was a toy, he goes all floppy when a human enters the room, something that might tend to suggest he was simply 'play acting', a court-marshall offence that might see him permanently ousted from the Gamma Quadrant.
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