Upgrade to UK edition of "One of Our Thursdays is Missing"

As is customary with early book releases, there are a few bugs that made it through the rigorous testing procedures for which Fforde books have not become legendary. The following instructions allow you to update your edition to an all new TN6/V1.1.

I am indebted to the disturbingly high levels of pedantry exhibited by my Upgrade Monitors this year, in particular: Mathias Schonhoff, Thomas Ehmer, Martin Stockdale and Richard Humm and Michael Collar. My grateful thanks to all of you.

1: Editions covered by this upgrade: All Hodder hardback and Readers club softback editions. ON NO ACCOUNT attempt to upgrade any proof copies or USA editions; a 'deep text crash' may result which will render your book unreadable and may well wipe out all the planet's fiction.

2: Earth the book by touching it lightly against a dictionary.

3: If you are running your library on the outdated SCROLL V7.3 or PAPYRUS 2.8, please upgrade immediately to BOOK 8.3 which is available by downloading HERE .

4: If you are running the Beta Version of BOOK V9 or "UltraWord™" as it is known and have Anti-GrammasitePro™ or ReadZip™ activated, please disable before upgrade. Third party hardware ancillaries such as bookmarks, pressed flowers, old bus tickets, prophylactics, etc, must also be removed.

5: Using a fine black pen make the following corrections:

1/ Turn to page 4 and where it says: "The maitred is missing an apostrophe" change "maitred" to "maitre d" to actually make the joke work.

2/ Turn to page 11 and where it says: "ideomatic databasg" change "databasg" to "database" .

3/ Turn to page 18 and where it says: "the inference being that it was somehow my fault the reader" change "inference" to "implication" .

4/ Turn to page 23 and where it says: "Nine teas heaven minutes' read time away." remove apostrophe so it reads "Nine teas heaven minutes read time away" .

5/ Turn to page 54 and where it says: "within a few moments myself and the clockwork man were entirely alone" change to read: "within a few moments the clockwork man and I were entirely alone" .

6/ Turn to page 55 and where it says: "It has been long proved that everyone needs a butler" change to read "It has long been proven that everyone needs a butler" .

6b/ Turn to page 57 and where it says: "George Elliot" change to read "George Eliot" .

7/ Turn to page 67 and where it says: "without warning over a few years ago as it passed over Human Drama" change "years" to "months" to correct time continuity.

8/ Turn to page 67 and where it says: "Of the twenty-six thousand characters lost in the disaster, only five survived" change to read: "Of the twenty-six thousand characters involved in the disaster, only five survived" to fix logical flaw.

9/ Turn to page 69 and where it says: "Maisey Doates" change to "Mairzy Doats" for the correct spelling to Milton Drake's song.

10/ Turn to page 95 and where it says: "MiPs" change to "MiP" as 'Men in Plaid' is already plural.

11/ Turn to page 95 and where it says: "but since automatons are incapable of misstatements" change "automatons" to "automata" .

12/ Turn to page 99 (chapter heading) and where it says: "average borders that reflect reading trends of the past ten years" change to read: "average borders that reflect recent reading trends.." This is only the 3rd edition of Bradshaw's and the remade Bookworld is only six months old.

13/ Turn to page 100 and where it says: "Kings Solomon's Mines" change "Kings" to "King" . He is singular.

14/ Turn to page 128 and where it says: "gaff" change to "gaffe" . This was a stupid remark, not a stupid hooked stick to catch fish.

15/ Turn to page 137 and where it says: "this kind of flagrant level of inspired disinterest" change to "this kind of flagrant level of inspired lack of interest" to fix grammar.

16/ Turn to page 187 and where it says: "as the meaning and illusion were all contracted and frozen into one lump" change "illusion" to "allusion" . Simple mistake, often made.

17/ Turn to page 204 and where it says: "After twenty minutes I could walk though the crowd" change "though" to "through" typo.

18/ Turn to page 212 and where it says: "The Mole, The Toad, Goliath, SO-5, the police the Cheese Squad, the government. the NSA" add a comma between "police" and "the Cheese Squad" .

19/ Turn to page 216 and where it says: "I took a large bite and even though it had some paste inside that was almost indescribably nasty" change "paste inside" to "yellow coating on the outside" so it reads: "I took a large bite and even though it had some yellow coating on the outside that was almost indescribably nasty," Well spotted by Martin Stockdale - marzipan is on the outside of a Battenburg, not the inside. I knew this.

20/ Turn to page 238 and where it says: "And I said: Somewhere safe" change to read: "As I said: Somewhere safe" .

21/ Turn to page 252 and where it says: "My inventor uncle Mycroft" change to read: "The real Thursday's inventor uncle Mycroft" because at this point we're talking about the real Thursday's uncle, not the fictitious Thursday's fictitious one.

22/ Turn to page 268 and where it says: "soft-leather wallet" remove hyphen to read: "soft leather wallet" .

23/ Turn to page 273 and where it says: "where iambic pentameters of exceptional beauty rubbed shoulders with dialogue" change "iambic pentameters" to "descriptive passages" so it reads: "where descriptive passages of exceptional beauty rubbed shoulders with dialogue" . Iambic pentameters belong over in Poetry.

17/ Turn to page 320 and where it says: "'tonic water, snacks and the latest Wayne Skunk album Lick the Toad" close the quotes after 'lick the toad'.

18/ Turn to page 326 and where it says: "they'll be a mixed-race..." change to "there'll be a mixed-race" .

19/ Turn to page 334 and where it says: "I though it a safe bet to trust him" change to "I thought it a safe bet to trust him" .

20/ Turn to page 336 and where it says: "I guess Womfic/Feminism were none too happy" change to read "I guess Womfic and Feminism were none too happy" . I'm not sure a slash can be read.

6: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of One of our Thursdays is Missing V1.1. To fully authenticate your copy download the upgrade sticker file by clicking HERE. Print out the download and affix it to the title page of your copy. Thank you for using the jasperfforde.com upgrade service.