1: Who are you most like; Maeve Binchy, William Burroughs or Tom Clancy?

2: What is the worst book you have ever read?

3: If you weren't a best selling writer, what would you have ended up as?

4: What was the last book that you bought

5: Have you ever submitted a really nasty review of a rivals book anonymously to an Internet site? What about a really good review of your own book, anonymously to an Internet site?

6: What character out of all your books do you most identify with

7: Sex. Can you write it, or are you just fumbling in the dark?

8: At school, were you a jock, a bookworm or a nerd?

9: How many Thursday Next novels can you see yourself writi

10: Was Douglas Adams a big influence on your style of humour?

11: What soundtrack is playing in your head when you write?

12: The pictures you slip into some copies of your books have become a cult collectable. What is the thinking behind them?

13: Have you ever read a Booker winner?

14: Is Harry Potter the savior of the book trade, or a speccy kid that gets on your nerves?

15: If you could change the plot of any book, what would you do?

16: If your latest book got made into a film, who would you cast as the lead?

17: What should be the punishment for people who break the spines of their books?

18: Do you ever sneak into bookshops and rearrange displays in your favour?

19: Censorship? Is there any reason good enough for banning a book?

20: Who is Thursday going to meet next time out? Is there an element of wish-fulfilment for yourself when you introduce her to classic literary figures?









1: Who are you most like; Maeve Binchy, William Burroughs or Tom Clancy?

Well, I'm male, so that rules out any likeness to Ms Binchy. Of the other two, Tom Clancy has a heavy build and quite a round face, whereas I am tall and quite lean, like William Burroughs, in fact - although I have more hair.

2: What is the worst book you have ever read?

The first draft of 'The Eyre Affair'.

3: If you weren't a best selling writer, what would you have ended up as?

Back to the day job: A cinematographer.

4: What was the last book that you bought?

'Story' By Bob McKee.

5: Have you ever submitted a really nasty review of a rivals book anonymously to an Internet site? What about a really good review of your own book, anonymously to an Internet site?

No, never - do people do this? As for good reviews of my own book, no, I never have - but thought about it frequently. In fact, to my fevered and paranoid author's mind, I think that ALL the good reviews have been posted there by friends and relatives trying to cheer me up

6: What character out of all your books do you most identify with?

Landen Parke-Laine, who is probably the most like me, although I have both my legs and am not a Crimean veteran (nor are ever likely to be). But to be hopelessly in love with an intelligent and driven women who loves you back - well, who wouldn't want that?

7: Sex. Can you write it, or are you just fumbling in the dark?

Fumbling in the dark. Hopelessly. I get embarrassed. I'm bright red now, just thinking about it.

8: At school, were you a jock, a bookworm or a nerd?

>Sort of all three. A 'Jookwerd'.

9: How many Thursday Next novels can you see yourself writing?

Strictly speaking, none - since I don't have any mirrors in my office. But I suppose I can see my hands on the keyboard, legs, part of my torso, usually as far up as the shoulder if I twist as far as this....ow! Until people get bored of them, I guess. There is a lot still to happen....

10: Was Douglas Adams a big influence on your style of humour?

I don't think so. My brother was nuts and I get it from him. Adams was just someone who arrived in my late teens with refreshments.

11: What soundtrack is playing in your head when you write?

'Pomp & Circumstance' for Stylophones in E sharp with Kuzoo accompaniment and Banjo backing melody.

12: The pictures you slip into some copies of your books have become a cult collectable. What is the thinking behind them?

Not a lot, really. I tend to do things 'on a whim' and this is one of them. I thought it would be fun to leave 'Easter eggs' for readers, sort of author-guerilla fashion in books I find in bookshops. The idea grew and grew - now I am doing 3000 giveaways in seven different styles for TN2. They are getting better, too - some day they might evolve into something with genuine artistic merit rather than just silly nonsense.

13: Have you ever read a Booker winner?

Yes; I once met Ian McEwan - I was the runner on 'Ploughman's Lunch', a film he wrote that Richard Eyre directed in 1983. I offered him a cup of coffee and he was very polite, but we were standing there in an empty moment, and, instead of offering him a biscuit as I should have done, I asked him some stupid question about whether he wrote violent scenes with a 4H pencil and soft and fluffy love scenes with a 3B. He looked at me for a moment, then laughed very charmingly. BUT what I think he was actually thinking was: 'Who is this clot and why isn't he offering me a biscuit?' So that's the only time I've ever read a Booker winner.

14: Is Harry Potter the savior of the book trade, or a speccy kid that gets on your nerves?

Neither. He's a well-written story that quite clearly deserves all the popularity that it generates.

15: If you could change the plot of any book, what would you do?

I would find Godot, wherever he is, and make sure he went and met up with his two friends.

16: If your latest book got made into a film, who would you cast as the lead?

Lola Vavoom, without a shadow of a doubt. She has everything. Beauty, acting skill, charisma, personality - besides, I promised her the role after our highly publicized and all totally above board discussion that we held on the beach in Martinique. I only helped her get dressed when her bikini fell off, and I was as embarrassed as she was. And I registered as 'Mr Smith' as a joke, and they were fully booked and that's why we had to share a room. Honest.

17: What should be the punishment for people who break the spines of their books?

They should be made to buy two more, and recommend 'Lost in a Good Book' to everyone they know.

18: Do you ever sneak into bookshops and rearrange displays in your favour?

Of course. Cover out. Don't all authors do this? I have trained my entire family to do it - except the dog, who can't reach high enough, so she nips anyone who doesn't buy it, and growls at anyone heading into the 'self help' section.

19: Censorship? Is there any reason good enough for banning a book?

If the publication of a book poses a grave personal risk to individuals or a group of people, then questions must be asked. The trouble is, who can make those sort of decisions? I am all for self-regulation. Books and films should be 'classified' so the reader or viewer (or their guardian) can make an informed decision. Limitation of free speech is the beginning of the end. As that fellow said: 'I don't agree with what you are saying, but will defend to death your right to say it.

20: Who is Thursday going to meet next time out? Is there an element of wish-fulfilment for yourself when you introduce her to classic literary figures?

I'm writing TN3 as we speak but am in two minds as to which the featured novel should be. No I'm not. I'm completely decided. I am Not. Am. Not. AM!! Okay, cut it out you two. Who's doing this interview? Me or me? Right. Thursday will be meeting a host of characters in TN3 as it takes place inside fiction as she battles with agencies who wish to do irrevocable damage to the bookworld.

As to any featured novel, I suppose it will be 'Mill on the Floss' but I'm only a third of the way through it, and I need to find some good ammunition for 'Nextian interruptions'. Wish-fulfillment, no, I don't think so. If you've bothered to read this far, or read my books, that's wish fulfillment for any author.

Click here to go back to Questionarium