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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 14th April 2020

9-Day-Old Lamb admits life on earth 'Better than expected'

A lamb

A lamb yesterday

Wilfred J Lamb, or 3459/DG to give him his EU livestock designation, was yesterday musing upon the riddles of existence, and how life had really turned out a lot better than expected.

"There was talk of cold and wet and mud and gales and sly references to mint sauce and all kinds of nonsense," he said to reporters yesterday, "but from what I've seen so far, life just seems terrific."

The lamb, born at the beginning of an unseasonably warm period in the mountains of Wales, had been led to believe that living on a Welsh hillside might be 'challenging', but he hadn't found this at all.

"There was this talk of water falling from the sky," he said "but I've not witnessed such a thing in my entire life, so I'm a little dubious that I may have been misled by naysayers and pessimists."

Wilfred's views were shared by many of the lambs in the seven acre field in which they resided along with their mothers, and only the most senior, well over sixteen days old, could recall water falling from the sky and a temperature below a balmy 18 degrees.

"When I was very young I vaguely remember white puffy things in the sky and a sensation of water on my back," said the ancient Lamb who refused to give his name in case of reprisals, "but I might have imagined it, and I don't talk about it much. Life is good at present, and who am I to spoil that?"

When asked for their opinions, the Ewes remained tightlipped about what the future might bring, and still had no idea what the letters were on their fleece might be, and who placed the saltlick in the field overnight.

"Life's just full of mysteries," said one, "but for the lambs, it's one long party."

Josh Hatchett, for The Toad

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